Room 94! Room 94! Room 94!

Saturday night was surreal because I only found out about Room 94 playing a gig in Norwich on Friday! I didn't even think I'd get tickets. I had planned to go to the cinema with my Mum and step-sister Becky on Friday and then spend the weekend at home but when I found out about the gig, I had to go. 

At the cinema, we watched Minions which came out on Friday so we thought the cinema would be packed with families but it was actually pretty empty. The film was good though, really funny, especially the British stereotypes. Even though it's a kids film, I think anyone with a sense of humour would enjoy it. (I'm not good at film reviews unless I start talking about camera angles and mise-en-scene!)

I saw Room 94 in March 2013 when they supported Lawson and we had to wait outside in the snow for over an hour before they'd let us into the venue. It was a Christmas gift from Kerry and it was our first concert which made it so exciting! I knew if I ordered the tickets, Kerry wouldn't be able to come with me which was really sad because I wanted her to have this experience with me. (It was Kerry's birthday weekend and she couldn't make any plans because her parents had a surprise already planned for her.)

So on Saturday, we drove to Norwich really early because we didn't really know where we were going (The Waterfront) and sat outside for ages while waiting for the doors to open. The security man kept appearing, asking if we had VIP tickets - which we didn't. I don't know if VIP is worth it, what are your thoughts? I mean, you obviously get to hang out with the bands before/after the show and get to be right at the front so you can literally hold their hands but the tickets are almost three times more than standard tickets! I had a great time, with my standard ticket, I got a t-shirt and a signed poster. I got sarcastic comments from 14 year old girls with short skirts, fangirling because their idols were on stage. . .

I had an amazing night and it was down to the fact that I got to hug each member of Room 94 (Kieran, Dean, Sean and Kit) and because I didn't have a panic attack. I was worried beforehand because I didn't know where The Waterfront was and what time we'd be let in. I was worried that people I'd know would be there (Holly and Becky from a youth group I used to go to were there but we only said hi) These little worries didn't lead up to a panic attack or make me super anxious. I'm glad I got to enjoy the gig without anything bad happening.

I think the only sad/bad thing about the gig was that I was probably one of the oldest people there (except Becky, my Mum and other parents) because all the other girls were around 14. (I'm generalising but it seemed that way) Also, one of these girls was smoking an e-cigarette when she was waiting in the line, she commented that she was going to be "15 in like 10 days" so why was she smoking? She's way too young to smoke and e-cigarettes are for people trying to give up smoking aren't they?

Dean Lemon

Kieran Lemon

Kit Tanton

Sean Lemon

What are your thoughts about gigs/concerts? Most gigs are 14+ entry, do you think that's too low or too high of an age rating? 

That's it for now, 

Kazia x

Summer!

My summer plans include. . .

• Family holiday
• Making friendship bracelets
• Sending happy mail to my pen pals
• Planning meet ups with UEbAes
• Decorating my Erin Condren Life Planner (when it arrives)
• Reading all the books on my TBR shelf
• Blogging every day
• Taking a spontaneous trip to London with my Mum
• Gain work experience for my university course (working for the BBC or something)

What are your plans for the summer?

That's it for now,

Kazia x

UEA Open Day!

Today was the best day! I love walking around campus and listening to lectures about what I will learn on my degree course over the next four years. Today was especially good because we had a tour of the Television Studio which is one of the things I am really looking forward to. It was great to be in this community and feel so welcomed by staff and students. I also looked at one of the rooms in halls. It's not the one I'll be staying in as it was adapted for a disabled student but it is around the same size as the twin room I'm hoping to share with Ewa (- en suite bathroom) I love listening to the Student Ambassadors because their experiences are all unique - Dolly and Michelle both loved staying in halls because everyone in the flat hangs out in the communal "living" area and your 8-15 flatmates become your closest friends over your first year.

The weirdest thing about today was that out of the 200 people in my year group that I went to high school with and around 60 that I went to college with, the one person I saw that I knew was one of my primary school teachers! She came out of the lecture and I looked at her because I was sure she was my teacher, then the recognition washed over her face as she realised who I was. It was good to see a familiar face; we talk regularly on Facebook.

One thing that made today special was the fact that my Nanny died three years ago today. I lit a candle before we went to UEA and said a prayer for her. (I'm not particularly religious but I consciously kept her in my thoughts today) I know that my Nanny would be so proud of me by getting offered a place at university and getting through all my exams. I really hope I get the grades so that I can prove I deserve my place at university.

This made me think of when I started my first year of high school. I wrote letters back and forth to Nanny over that summer about how much I was looking forward to starting a new school and making new friends. I kept the letters she wrote to me under my pillow to keep them safe, now I don't know where they are which makes me really anxious. (I should have taken better care of them) I hope someone has kept my letters to Nanny safe, I'd hate for them to be lost.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

Hopeful!

I have followed Carrie Hope Fletcher (ItsWayPastMyBedTime) for a long long time on her social media platforms (YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, her blog) and she calls her community of fans "The Hopefuls". 

I love the people in Carrie's community because she has made a positive, happy place where we can all chat and share "secrets" like a group of girls having a sleepover together!

So, I joined "Hopefuls" - a closed group - on Facebook, about a month ago (maybe longer?) and it is the best community ever. I'm not even exaggerating! The group mainly consists of females as this is Carrie's main audience but they are also a few males. Everyone shares their thoughts and opinions there and aren't afraid of asking for help and advice.

Today I felt ready to share the link to my blog and my Tumblr. I haven't shared these before because I was nervous about the reaction. I never created these accounts in order to gain an audience, that's just a bonus. This blog is still very private as it only has one (very lovely) follower. My Tumblr has around 800 followers (of which I know two in real life and one is a very close friend who actually lives in Australia - crazy!) I don't know how I gained so many followers, when I first started it (in 2012) I was in a very bad place. It was just before I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression - I went into hospital in April, moved in with my Dad the day I got out of hospital and then took 3 months off school.

I think the Hopefuls, my blog and Tumblr have all helped me get through the worst of my diagnosis. I'm finally feeling closer to the end of the tunnel. I would describe depression as being in a deep, dark hole where there's a ladder but it's too short for you to reach so your closest friends and family have to become part of the ladder so you can climb out. I feel that I'm around half way, I've been here several times before and fallen back down but this is my time, I feel that I can do it this time.

Going to university in September is a big pressure, getting the grades for university is going to be difficult. My first exam is on 5th June (Media Studies), my second is on 15th June (Geography - Unit 3) and my third is on 19th June. I took my 15 hour Photography exam at the end of April/start of May, it is completely finished and I'm not sure if I feel relieved or not. I hate waiting for results day (13th August) because you can't really celebrate during the summer - I'm constantly thinking if I don't get high enough grades, my celebrations will be for nothing.

I don't want to end negatively so I guess the point of this post is to say thank you. I am grateful for the Hopeful community, for starting my Tumblr when I was at my worst and for starting my blog when I needed some space to myself.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

Vintage!

A random fact about me is that I like everything vintage!

Cameras,  typewriters, 1950s style dresses, floral, hand written letters, etc

Today I picked up a vintage cameras (produced in the 1980s, I believe) and I ordered a polaroid camera! I love that they're not digital which means I have less control over the final result. I can't go back and delete photographs or take 10 of the same thing at slightly different angles so I can later decide which one is best in Photoshop. I have a set number of exposures and I have to choose my photographs carefully, I like this approach. It makes me more aware of what I want in my photographs.

I have been pen palling since August 2014 (I may have mentioned this before) and I love it! I love writing and receiving letters that have been handwritten, someone's taken the time, love and care to create this letter by hand rather than typing an email or a message on Facebook which could have been edited 10 times over. I love waiting for my letters to arrive! I love the anticipation rather than the instant connection. Recently, with the trend of "Pocket Letters" created by Janette Lane, I've spent even more time composing my letters and choosing the goodies that I want to include.

I love "cute" stuff that you might find on Pinterest. The popular Tumblr posts of fairy lights, candles, polaroid photographs, bunting, bedroom walls covered in posters and photographs. Everything is chic and sophisticated. I love pastel colours - creams, white, light pink, mint.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

University Advice!

I have applied to study Film and Television Studies with a Foundation Year at the UEA and I have a conditional offer. I am very excited and also extremely nervous so I thought I'd share some of things I've learnt through my application process and my journey to Higher Education.

Firstly, remember that University is not for everyone, there are many other options you can choose and your parents/teachers should not be forcing you to go if it is something you are not 100% happy about.

Apply for the course and University that you feel is best for you. Something you are passionate about and will enjoy for three/four years. It is a long time and it is supposed to be fun so make your decisions wisely. Choose a University that you love rather than the closest one or the one that your big brother went to. Sure, if you like those ones then go for it but definitely visit a couple before making your final choice. I chose UEA because I am 100% happy when I go there, the staff make it feel like home already! Yes, it is the closest one to home but I made my decision because I want to stay close to my family and I don't do well when I'm away from them for long stretches of time.

Talk to people that are going to be on your course/freshers before you go. I have spoken to so many lovely people via Facebook and they are the most amazing group of friends I've ever made! I feel like I've known them for years and I love that they all have unique personalities. I started texting Callum a few weeks ago and we literally never run out of things to say. Ash, Travis, Ellie, Sarah, Sarah, Leanne, Kam, Zoe, Ewa, Mattia, even though you're crazy, you are genuinely the greatest bunch of people and I love you! I can't wait for September. I'll be making tea and cakes for me and Ewa whilst everyone else goes out clubbing! Hahaaa 

Think about your accommodation. Will you be able to live at home or would you rather live in halls? Do you want to share a bathroom with other people in your flat or have an en suite? Campus or village? Do you want to have a twin room so you can share with a friend? I'm pretty certain that I'm going to share a twin room with Ewa! She is the loveliest girl in the world and one of my best friends!

Organise a meet up before you start university. This is something we have decided to do and I'm really looking forward to it! Some of the group live in London so they've never seen the night life of Norwich before so we're having a meal together and then going clubbing. I've never been clubbing before so it'll be a new experience for me too.

Don't be nervous, stay positive. It sounds cliche, but everyone is in the same boat as you. It's likely they've never lived away from home before and they don't know anyone else. Make friends, be confident, keep your chin up. I am guilty of being the shyest person in the world, I get nervous in social situations. I have anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. Sometimes people don't understand what I'm trying to say or I don't understand them because I have Asperger's Syndrome and Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It is very personal to me and I don't talk about it very often. These disabilities stop me from going out with my friends to parties at the weekends, they stop me from using public transport because I get scared and stress myself out. What if there's a delay and my train is late or I get to wherever too late to get on the next train? What if the bus doesn't arrive on time? What if there's no seats and I have to sit next to a stranger? What if?

I haven't been posting for a long while and life has been crazy but I wanted to share this because University is going to be a new start for me.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

Thoughts on Mental Health!

I have suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks since 2012 which has made my life difficult to cope with. Sometimes I've thought that life isn't worth living and I took a negative approach towards every situation.

Having being diagnosed by a psychiatrist, I have learnt some coping methods that have helped me.

Personally, I believe mental health hasn't been discussed enough or in enough depth. But when it is discussed I feel lots of people self-diagnosed because they've been in a similar situation to someone at one point in their life and then it's gone. This is not the same as having a disorder that has been diagnosed by a health professional where the problem isn't solved overnight.

It's frustrating because we need to discuss mental health but most of the comments I see on YouTube and other places are of young people who believe there is something wrong with them even though there may not be.

I'm not sure how to start my own discussion on mental health. Jacksgap and Dollybowbow have great videos that explain it better than I can. As mental health becomes more well-known, more people will self-diagnose.

What are your thoughts?

That's it for now,

Kazia x