I have followed Carrie Hope Fletcher (ItsWayPastMyBedTime) for a long long time on her social media platforms (YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, her blog) and she calls her community of fans "The Hopefuls".
I love the people in Carrie's community because she has made a positive, happy place where we can all chat and share "secrets" like a group of girls having a sleepover together!
So, I joined "Hopefuls" - a closed group - on Facebook, about a month ago (maybe longer?) and it is the best community ever. I'm not even exaggerating! The group mainly consists of females as this is Carrie's main audience but they are also a few males. Everyone shares their thoughts and opinions there and aren't afraid of asking for help and advice.
Today I felt ready to share the link to my blog and my Tumblr. I haven't shared these before because I was nervous about the reaction. I never created these accounts in order to gain an audience, that's just a bonus. This blog is still very private as it only has one (very lovely) follower. My Tumblr has around 800 followers (of which I know two in real life and one is a very close friend who actually lives in Australia - crazy!) I don't know how I gained so many followers, when I first started it (in 2012) I was in a very bad place. It was just before I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression - I went into hospital in April, moved in with my Dad the day I got out of hospital and then took 3 months off school.
I think the Hopefuls, my blog and Tumblr have all helped me get through the worst of my diagnosis. I'm finally feeling closer to the end of the tunnel. I would describe depression as being in a deep, dark hole where there's a ladder but it's too short for you to reach so your closest friends and family have to become part of the ladder so you can climb out. I feel that I'm around half way, I've been here several times before and fallen back down but this is my time, I feel that I can do it this time.
Going to university in September is a big pressure, getting the grades for university is going to be difficult. My first exam is on 5th June (Media Studies), my second is on 15th June (Geography - Unit 3) and my third is on 19th June. I took my 15 hour Photography exam at the end of April/start of May, it is completely finished and I'm not sure if I feel relieved or not. I hate waiting for results day (13th August) because you can't really celebrate during the summer - I'm constantly thinking if I don't get high enough grades, my celebrations will be for nothing.
I don't want to end negatively so I guess the point of this post is to say thank you. I am grateful for the Hopeful community, for starting my Tumblr when I was at my worst and for starting my blog when I needed some space to myself.
That's it for now,
Kazia x
