National Mental Health Day!

This week has been a tough one for me with my mental health because my anxiety has been extremely bad. My doctor said it is likely to get worse in the future but he's given me some advice on how to deal with it.

I don't feel ready to talk about my mental health. I have had anxiety and depression for four years, maybe longer. 2012 was one of the worst years - my life seemed to stop and my mental health took over. I felt like I lost control. Over these four years, I've had highs and lows, like anyone would expect. Right now, I have hit my lowest point. Probably lower than the point I was at when I was first diagnosed.

I could say the clichéd phrases like "we need to speak out about mental health", "there's a lot of stigma around mental health", "you are not the only one with this problem" but you've probably heard/read that before. Especially today.

I would rather say, we need to find a way to help those that are struggling, those that are not ready to speak/share their feelings. Everyone has a voice, everyone has an opinion. Sometimes I feel normal, spend the day with my friends, smile and laugh. Sometimes I feel like I can't leave my bed, the sun is too bright or the duvet is just too warm and cosy for me to move.

There are a lot of services that will help people overcome their problems but the first step is acknowledging that there is a problem and that is the hardest thing to do when you're in a negative head space.

As a friend, family member, teacher, etc, the best thing to do is let the person know that you are there for them. You don't need to be overpowering, be gentle and let the person tell you what is happening when it feels right for them. It might take a long time - a week, a month, a year - but they will tell you, when they are ready.

I am more than my mental health.

I am more than my physical disabilities.

Kazia x

Lots of photos!

Just a little post full of recent photos that I've taken on my Canon 1100D... I haven't been doing a lot recently, not even posting on my blog!! I finished reading Anna and the French kiss by Stephanie Perkins today. It was beautiful and romantic although some "scenes" were cliched... I knew pretty much how it would end around three-quarters of the way through which was kind of annoying since I thought it would be less like other books I've read. People have praised it so much that I thought it would be different but I guess people like familiarity of the story lines. There were still a few things that I didn't expect, like St Clair's Mum.

Also I've been posting a lot on Tumblr, just little thoughts and updates. A few photos here and there. I mostly post in the #Studyblr community but since I've finished university, I'm not studying... I will be starting to study more when I receive my textbooks for my new university course which starts in October. I'm really looking forward to it although I'm not sure how I feel about studying at home. Maybe this week I'll finally get my room ready to be my study space. I think that will make it feel more grown up, especially with some new posters up. I still have a Twilight poster on my bedroom wall...

I've recently downloaded Duolingo and Memrise on my iPad. I'm teaching myself French again, I haven't learnt it since I dropped it at GCSE but I remember a LOT of it. I'm glad to be studying French again, my primary school teacher would be really proud. She was very inspirational. I miss her.

Anyway, on to the pictures!

Dad bought me a blender for my smoothies and juices
The other day I made this one with frozen raspberries, raspberry and cranberry juice and raspberry yoghurt. I love it on warm days so it's perfect for the summer! The blender can also crush ice cubes so I'm looking forward to the really beautiful days for that.

Poppy Grace is so beautiful and she looks even sweeter when she's half asleep like this.

Poppy Grace, half asleep. Again.

Yesterday was actually a nice day so I set up everything in the garden - covered the bench with a blanket instead of sitting on bird poop! I had my iPad, bullet journal, pens and a notebook. I finally got some inspiration to write so I brainstormed my plans for a new book!

Daisy May loves to pose for the camera! She sat on the "patio" on her blanket while I journaled.

I took a selfie in the garden 'cause why not?! I like this one although I would like to dye my hair again soon and it was a bit of a mess! Hopefully a lighter, pastel purple this time.

I bought this beautiful candle in a gift shop the other day. It smells like the sweets Refreshers which are my favourite!

I sat on the floor to turn the fire on - I know, it's JUNE and I had to turn on the fire!! Daisy May decided it would be a good idea to fall asleep in my lap! 

Daisy May, still half asleep. She's so cute!

That's it for now,

Kazia

Summer Vibes!

Since I've been home from university, I haven't taken many photos. I didn't take many while I was there either. I'm planning to do more so here's a new post full of recent photos. . .

I haven't been doing a lot since I had to go to the Doctor's last week with an ear infection so now I have a pile of medicines to take three times a day and a lot of "rest" (whatever that is!)

Blog planning with my yellow Leuchtturm 1917 - my Bullet Journal is one of the best planning systems I have ever used! Keeps me organised and I can lay out the pages however I like.

The beach huts look incredible although I do wish they were a real spectrum of all the colours rather than random ones scattered here and there...that's just me, I guess! ASD brain...

People say me and my (step) sister look a-like...I'm wearing the black hoodie

On 20th May, Daisy May turned one! We had a cake which she enjoyed (- the icing, of course!)

Daisy May

Poppy Grace

Smudge

That's about it for this post! Just wanted to catch up a bit...hopefully more photo-heavy posts will pop up soon!

Kazia

The last week of university!

I have been thinking a lot about my decision to leave university and I don't think it's the right choice for me. I need to continue following my dreams and achieving what I set out to do. I can still get to my goals of walking more and taking more photographs like I said in my previous post but I'll do them while I have the time over the summer. After all, I have five months at home until I start university again.

This past week, I submitted an essay and signed the license for my flat. I am feeling good. This week I have two more essays to submit and then I've finished everything! The stress has almost lifted.

Since I've (almost) finished university I am hoping to write a post at least once a week and take some photos for each entry. I am also saving up for a new camera which is really exciting! I am planning to learn how to drive this summer which I'm also excited about because I am saving up for a Mini. I am so obsessed with Minis at the moment - I count them when we're on road trips and my Step Mum bought me some Mini paper clips this weekend because I talk about getting one so often.

During my study breaks, I've been watching a load of Dodie's old videos! I am really obsessed with her music right now. I love her a lot! I also love Carrie - she's one of my favourites!

That's it for now,

Kazia 

Big Decisions!

So I haven't written a post since February! Life has been hectic!

This week is my last week of university and it feels bittersweet but I think I've made a decision. I've been struggling for way too long and I even took the last week off so I could have a "break" from the stress. I'm thinking about leaving university.

From a very young age I wanted to go to university, I think I've written about it before. I had an overwhelming need to go. I would be asked in school what I wanted to do when I was older and "go to university" would be my answer every time.

I am so grateful that I got the chance to study last September. I was incredibly excited to start in a new place and make new friends. But I feel like my university journey is over. I've tried it and overcome some of my anxiety. I've been able to use public transport which was literally impossible before. I've learnt to cook "real" food, I've been shopping for myself, using the laundrette. I tried clubbing and drinking shots (which was interesting!) I have some brilliant memories.

My next step is setting my decision in stone, to tell my parents that I don't want to stay at university anymore.

I have been thinking about what I want to do instead:

• Walk more
• Learn to drive
• "Master" the ukulele
• Photography
• Videos
• Blogging

I guess that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have an update on Friday/the weekend!

Kazia x

Helplines!

This is just a short post to say that no body should feel that they are worthless and give up hope. If you feel unhappy, you should be able to talk to someone - a friend, family member, teacher or someone else that you trust. There are many helplines and websites with advice.

Mind - 0300 123 3393 or text 86463

Samaritans - 0845 790 9090

Turn 2 Me (Ireland) 

That's it for now,

Kazia x

Challenge!

Throughout February, I challenged myself to take a photo a day using my digital camera (Canon 1100D) rather than my iPhone. This challenge has turned out to be, ironically, challenging! To be honest, I have been lazy. I haven't taken my camera with me when I go out or I've been too self-conscious to take it out of my bag while I'm around people. I also love taking photos of people but I'm too scared to ask because I worry that they'd laugh at me or wouldn't want their photo taken. I would love to have photos of my flat mates and friends at university. I dreamed of taking hundreds of photos of everyone and everything but that hasn't happened. I tend to take photos for Instagram of either myself or sunrises/sunsets.

While I'm hard on myself for being lazy, I have had a lot of work to do at university. It has been hard this semester because there is just such a large amount of reading to do and weekly essays to write! I admit I have struggled.

Also, I haven't published the photos that I did manage to take because I haven't had the time to edit them. When I do edit them, I tend to want to make them perfect. It's an unachievable goal.

So for the rest of the week I am going to challenge myself to take my camera with me every day. Even if I don't get time to take a photo, at least I've had the equipment with me. Do you ever go out without your camera, see something you like and realise that you've missed a great opportunity? I do this all the time! Now it's going to stop.

Next week is Personal Development Week which means all lectures and seminars are cancelled so that everyone can have one to one tutorials and catch up on assignments. I'm planning to go home towards the end of next week which means I'll hopefully get a chance to go to some new places and take lots of photos. My Step Mum asked me today about a place we went to in 2014. Neither of us remembers where it was because she had taken us on a "Magical Mystery Tour" which we used to do a lot. She'd drive and drive until we ended up somewhere we hadn't been before or to our favourite beach. It didn't matter about the end destination, we would just be enjoying the journey and go wherever the car took us.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

Inspiration!

I have an on-going assignment this semester to write a weekly Study Log but I haven't been motivated to write my entries because I didn't know what I wanted my arguments to be about. A study log is a journal entry that summarises the lecture and seminar of the week and explains further research around the topics. It doesn't sound difficult but I find it hard to explain my ideas concisely. 

Today I finally found my inspiration! I wasn't even expecting it (which is the best time for inspiration to hit you) I was sat in the library, reading a chapter for my next seminar and typing my annotations rather than writing them like I normally do. I don't know why it suddenly occurred to me that I could type my notes and highlight them electronically or why it hadn't occurred to me before. So I went to my seminar with annotated notes in hand, understanding the topic and feeling on top of the world. I could face anything my tutor threw at me!

During the last 30 minutes or so of the seminar, my tutor asked us to think about the study logs we'd written and how we could improve them. She gave us a checklist of things we should be including to get higher grades. I already knew what the checklist included because I'd spoken to her last week and went through my ideas. I had been struggling with where to start because the topics are broad and you could talk about literally anything. My tutor inspired me to start looking at specific things that interested me and still linked to the topic. I found it easier to plan out some more ideas and which direction I wanted to take my argument in.

After today's seminar, I went back to the library. I found a quiet spot on the silent floor where I always sit, plugged in my headphones and began typing. I suddenly couldn't stop and the ideas were flowing faster than I could type them. Finally I was making progress!

I think I found my inspiration because I enjoyed this week's topic "Realism and ways of seeing" I didn't think I would because I missed the lecture and it is a very art-based topic. (As you know I'm studying Film and Television) I had looked at Surrealism in Art during high school so I had some basic knowledge. This knowledge helped when the people around me weren't sure of the answers. 

What they taught me in high school was useful information?! Who knew?

In my other modules, this week and next week's topics are media- and film-based which is really good because that is my comfort zone. I feel confident that I can explain these topics if I was asked to.

Where have you found inspiration this week? Look closely at people/objects around you and try to seek out inspiration from them.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

February Photo-A-Day Challenge!

This challenge came about because I have realised that I don't use my digital camera (Canon 1100D) as much as I use the camera on my phone (iPhone 5C). The main reason for this is convenience; I take my phone with me everywhere, it's smaller than my Canon and with one click it can be edited and uploaded for all my friends and Instagram followers to see.

This challenge is to take (at least) one photo a day using my digital camera. I haven't given myself a specific subject for each day (maybe people could add their ideas in the comments?) but I am just going to take my camera with me every day around campus and see what happens. I definitely want to get some photos of my flat mates because I haven't taken any which is slightly crazy!

I plan to upload a week's worth of photos every Sunday during the month of February so that I have a consist blog post each week and a collection of photographs. Also I don't think it would be so easy and enjoyable if I had to upload every day knowing that I also have assignments for university to do.

That's it for now,

Kazia x

University: Autumn Semester!

So I thought today I'd look back on my first semester at university and share some of the things I hope to do in my second semester!

Believe me when I say "It's gone too fast!"

I have made friends with some amazing people and some that are not so great. . .

I have loved my course so far! I received a 2:1 and two 2:2s which is amazing! The content is really interesting and fun to learn about.

My tips for people hoping to receive their university offers this year:

1. Make friends with others on Facebook that are hoping to go to the same university - you'll be able to talk to some wonderful people that you'll probably stay friends with (That's how I met Cal, Ash, Mattia and so many others!)
2. Don't buy new stuff - specifically things for the kitchen. When we arrived in September, we had 8 sets of cutlery, 8 saucepans, 8 washing up liquids etc. You should either buy second hand or ask family to "donate" their old saucepans/whatever to you instead. It gets expensive and your cutlery will go missing! (Save the special cutlery for second year when you rent a house off campus)
3. Join sports clubs and societies - these are the places where you'll not only find new interests but become friends with people from other courses and other years. I met my friends Alice and Maisy through a newspaper group and they are the loveliest girls I've ever met - Their friendship is #goals! (I hate that phrase but for once it is true)
4. Talk to someone if you are struggling - you get assigned a personal advisor who will be available to talk to you throughout your entire time at university. They will listen to your problems and be able to help you through it.
5. Remember that you don't have to go out clubbing if it's not your thing! I went out twice during Freshers Week (to Freshers events) but I had more fun when I went to a pub with some of my friends from the flat next door. Also remember you don't have to drink loads even though it's what you see in movies. . . it's your choice and your experience; you get to decide and no one is going to force you!

I'm really looking forward to the spring semester! (Week One is over already!) I chose to study "An Introduction to Visual Cultures" and "Literature and the Humanities" which seem really good.

I will update you on how I get on in the spring semester and hopefully I'll share some more photos too!

That's it for now,

Kazia x